“I didn’t fully wrap my head around the fact that there would be a person at the end of it. I read endlessly about pregnancy and what to eat and what not to eat. And then I sort of prepared not at all for the actual baby.”
— Ellie Kemper

---

“No one told me I’d be coming home in diapers, too.” — Chrissy Teigen

---

“Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: everyone is yelling, everything is sticky, it’s the same music over and over again, and occasionally pukes.” — Rookie Moms

---

“You know life has changed when going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.” — unknown

---

“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”
— Phyllis Diller

---

“A 3-year-old is basically a walking, talking middle finger.” — Amy Dillon

---

“My friends make me feel dumb now. They’re talking about Syria and Egypt, and I’m just, like, ‘Oscar was out of control on “Sesame Street.” He was extra-grouchy today.’” — Wanda Sykes

---

“Once you have kids you never pee by yourself again.” — Jennifer Garner

---

“Parenting is F**King hard.” — Adele

---

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
— Nora Ephron