I met a woman online and we’ve been texting for about 2 weeks. We really connect and she seems GREAT. I haven’t met her IRL yet, but I’m totally head over heels. BUT — she’s a bartender in a town in the next state where a lot of local lesbians hang out in the summer, and I heard from a friend that this woman hangs out with a bad crowd in the bar where she works — wild women who do coke, etc. How should I proceed?
Looking for Miss Good in Bar
I’m glad you found someone you feel you connect with — that deserves a big ole “YAY!” But you are slipping into that famous “What does a lesbian bring to a second date?” joke. You’ve got the U-Haul packed and you haven’t even been in the same room yet. I’m hoping your head over heels will withstand not only an actual date but several dates.
It’s so easy to be in love with love, so just slow your roll a teensy bit. As to what your friend says, I’d slow down any judgments there, too. Your new friend works in a bar, and as a bartender it behooves her to be friendly to all the customers. The definition of “hangs out” needs a lot of clarification. If her closest associates are reckless, irresponsible, do drugs, etc. it doesn’t exactly bode well. But before you get anxious, I’d definitely wait and check out the situation for yourself. Don’t judge her by the people who surround her in the bar. That being said, it will be fair to assess her values and good girlfriend potential if it turns out she surrounds herself with wild women in her off-hours. Anyway, my advice is meet her, find out more about her, who she is and what she’s about, and only THEN decide whether to bring that U-Haul — or haul your ass outta there.
Email your questions to Dixie at dixie [at] jumbleandflow dot com. We may feature your question and Dixie’s advice on jumbleandflow.com. You can choose to remain anonymous or provide your name — totally up to you.
Dixie Laite has been a second-grade teacher and mechanical bull operator, and for the past 25 years she’s worked for a variety of TV networks as a writer, editorial director, trainer, advice columnist, even an on-air personality. But primarily she’s trotted around New York City in one cowboy shirt or another, lurking around flea markets, gyms, and anywhere they’ll hand her French toast. Currently she lounges around her apartment with one husband, one dog, five parrots, and roughly 2,000 pairs of shoes. Dixie is the main lady behind Age Against the Machine, a column about empowering women over 50. Sign up for the Jumble & Flowdown newsletter to stay in the know about Dixie’s latest columns.
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