I have a weird sex problem. Yes, I know that in this day and age, it’s a faux pas to say weird sex problem. I don’t want to contribute to shame in any way, so maybe a better word is unexpected. Yes, it’s unexpected. Something that you don’t expect would affect your sex life, but does.
I love sex — it’s a very important part of my life. After a couple long-term relationships where the romantic spark was an issue, I made a commitment to myself to never ignore my need for intimacy and passion. Overall, my current partner and I have a pretty darn good sex life (with the exception of a recent “unexpected” issue — more on this later). When Jumble & Flow Giveaway sponsor, Cowgirl Soss offered a bottle of Sex Soss, a CBD-Infused Clitoral Stimulator Spray for my nightstand, I wanted to try it and see what would happen.
The day we received the bottle of Sex Soss, there was excitement in the air. I showed my partner and he was intrigued. Eyebrows were raised. Flirtations were exchanged. Anticipation built throughout our day as we awaited for meetings to end, dinner to be eaten, and dishes washed, so that we could try out the Sex Soss. That night, we gave it a go. Following the explicit instructions on the bottle, we gave our respective parts a squirt. A slight tingle and the scent of cinnamon awoke our senses. The CBD wasn’t overwhelming like taking a drug, which I appreciated; it felt harmonious with my body and energy. We were enjoying ourselves.
In our post-coital stupor, we conferred. What did we think? We both agreed it was hard to say. As a former research analyst and someone who’s had a decent data set of sexual experiences, I’m well-versed in the many variables that may contribute to good sex and/or ability to climax, outside of my partner’s performance or sexual compatibility. Such as — how am I mentally? Do I have a lot on my mind? Are my taxes due tomorrow? Do I have gaggles of unanswered emails? I don’t know about other women, but for me, sex takes focus and concentration. One nagging thought can throw off my sex game, let alone an actual orgasm.
That night, my sex game was on. I wasn’t stressed or anxious or overburdened with pesky thoughts. In fact, I had been excited to try the Sex Soss all day. My analytical brain couldn’t help but wonder — is it the spray, or the anticipation of the spray? Further testing was obviously necessary so I committed to trying the Sex Spray again, (for the sake of research, of course).
Okay. So here’s my sex problem.
I love my cat, Lilah, but she’s a hardass. She runs our house with an iron paw and if there’s something she doesn’t like, she lets us know. Lilah’s a cat of stern routine and rules. In the morning, I am to get up, make tea, then sit with her on the couch to administer her meds. It must be the couch in the living room, second seat in the middle, no buts.
If we stray from routine, Lilah gives us her signature yowl. You’ve been warned. After a few yowls and death stares later, she’ll literally attack to get her message across. My theory is that in a past life, Lilah was a strict nun whose job was to manage an orphanage of kids. “Breakfast at 7 am, in bed by 8 pm” meant she knew where all the children were at all times. Lilah obviously believes it’s her duty to protect her “kids” and help them be productive members of society.
Lilah’s past nun-hood would also explain her reaction to our sneaking off for some good ole’ out-of-wedlock intercourse. For the most part, she ignores us while we do our deed, especially when it’s on schedule, which is usually at around midnight. But since it was a rainy Saturday morning, with not much else to do, we had our fun in the morning. This threw off our entire routine and after a few days of this, Lilah took her revenge. My partner and I were on the bed half naked and Lilah yowled. We stopped. I told her, “Nooooo Lilah.” Her eyes widened, and pow! She bit me on the arm then went in for another kill. I screamed, my partner yelled at her, and she scampered away. In the end, my arm was in pain and I was afraid of my own cat. She ran off and was no longer a threat but she sure did diminish the mood.
After regrouping, we looked at the Sex Soss on the nightstand and decided to try it. The CBD calmed my nerves, and the tingle re-ignited the proverbial flame. I was able to focus and concentrate once again, and we ended up having a wonderfully naughty night.
Sister Lilah’s punishment was painful, but it made me realize that many women may have these unexpected bedroom problems. Speaking for myself, the smallest amounts of physical, emotional and mental stress can affect my sex drive. Sometimes, my mind says I want to have sex (to feel close with my partner, experience intimate connection, or express my sensuality), but my body isn’t quite able to adjust to that desire.
Since I began using Natural Cycles for birth control, I’ve noticed fluctuations in my sex drive throughout my cycle. During ovulation I’m ready to go, but desire immediately dips post-ovulation. It makes biological sense: My body no longer needs sperm to make a baby, so it’s no longer interested in doing the deed. For a time, I was frustrated with this rhythm and wondered if something was wrong with me. But then, Natural Cycles released an article on the change in libido throughout our cycles. It is perfectly healthy for libido to change throughout our cycle — hormones, stress, anxiety or lifestyle can effect our desire for sex.
Because of this, Sex Soss makes sense to me. It’s a fun, viable solution for women undergoing changes in their lives that impact their sex drive.The CBD helps you to relax physically, mentally, and emotionally so you have a better chance of experiencing the pleasure and intimacy you’re craving. But, of course sex is not about whether it makes sense, rather — how does it feel? The answer to that is it feels amazing. Will I reach for the Sex Soss every time I have sex? Probably not. For the most part, I prefer my joys of sex au naturel; it’s generally good practice for me to not screw with the pH of my hooha too much. But there are times when I need a little extra assistance to get me going. For that, the Sex Soss will be conveniently stored in the drawer next to my bed — for any unexpected sex emergencies.
Exclusive offer: Get $20 off any purchase over $45 at Cowgirl Soss with promo code: 20TOSPEND (Expires 12/31/21.)
Rev. Bonnie Ho is a spiritual counselor, energy reader, and author of the Living in the Third Eye column for Jumble & Flow. After spending most of her adult life trying to prove her own worth through an analytical career, Bonnie found a spiritual path that led her back to herself and her own heart. Now, Bonnie aims to help others heal their wounds, find their joy, and embrace their intuition and true desires, in a grounded, balanced way.
Bonnie is available for spiritual guidance and energy readings. Visit bonniehoinsights.com to learn more.
ON THE BLOG
In My Prime: interviews with women thriving in midlife
Pregnancy test and pregnancy over 40
Pelvic health: Everything women need to know
Adventures in Perimenopause, essays by women in perimenopause and menopause
What is perimenopause? An empowering guide to everything you need to know
Jumble & Flow art prints, home decor,
and apparel on Society 6
36 gift ideas for every Zodiac sign and horoscope-loving friends
Women's Health Glossary of Terms
6 of the best self-care techniques you’ll never find on Instagram
Ageism in the workplace
What are the best blenders according to ratings and experts?
What is middle age, and what age is officially old?
We're building The Midst
Because over the hill is so over and done with