I know you’re busy, so let’s cut to the chase and get this out of the way first — the whole “naughty or nice” thing you got going. You see me when I’m sleeping (btw, #creepy), and you know when I’m awake. Soooo, I’ll hope you’ll concede that in the pie graph of my naughty and nice-ness, I’ve primarily been good, for goodness sake. I would like to argue that my “naughty” moments, which deal primarily with unkind thoughts about various members of Congress, are completely understandable. I don’t mean to brag, but I have not punched, tripped, or set anyone on fire in 2021. Therefore, I believe you should give my list serious consideration.
Thank you, Mr. Claus. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings but I just have to add that I’m not sure why some old man is the arbiter of what’s naughty, nice, good and bad. It’s seems very patriarchal and, frankly, effed up. Next year, I’m going skip the middle man. I’ll make a list for my eyes only and work toward giving myself what I want. This will include doing whatever I can do to promote goodwill toward men…mostly.
What do you want to ask Santa for? We’d love to read your list in comments.
Dixie Laite has been a second-grade teacher and mechanical bull operator, and for the past 25 years she’s worked for a variety of TV networks as a writer, editorial director, trainer, advice columnist, even an on-air personality. But primarily she’s trotted around New York City in one cowboy shirt or another, lurking around flea markets, gyms, and anywhere they’ll hand her French toast. Currently she lounges around her apartment with one husband, one dog, five parrots, and roughly 2,000 pairs of shoes. Dixie is the main lady behind Age Against the Machine, a column about empowering women over 50. Sign up for the Jumble & Flowdown newsletter to stay in the know about Dixie’s latest columns.
Follow Dixie on Instagram @dixielaite
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