Dear Dixie,

I’m 46, married, a mom of two daughters, and a busy career woman. I’ve been married to my husband for 20+ years and our intimate life has been going downhill for the past several years (he is almost asexual now). I still very much have my needs, which are even stronger than before! 🙂 Due to his lack of interest in sex, we chatted and agreed a few years ago that I may selectively seek pleasures outside of the marriage, as long as it doesn’t affect the family dynamics and I keep it 100% discreet. 

He was fine with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. However, after two very brief intimate dates with men (both during my work travels), I found that was too risky. Instead, I preferred a “no-strings-attached” relationships with women who were also seeking similar discreet relationships to enjoy lesbian sex. I was fortunate enough to meet a few amazing women in the last few years (who were also married and wanted to keep things discreet) and enjoyed those beautiful moments with them thoroughly ;). 

Because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy I have with hubs, I didn’t feel the need to share any of this with him. I may have mentioned some in passing very casually, but he never wanted to know the details anyway. I was also managing these relationships well despite being a busy career mom and it didn’t impact our family dynamics in any way. 

But now I am dealing with a new situation where the woman I’m seeing right now would like to open our relationship with her husband and possibly have him included. I never had to deal with a similar situation before because the women I’ve dated were fine with keeping things discreet from their husbands for various reasons. I also very much preferred that arrangement. The woman I’m seeing now is 28 and has a 7-year-old son. Her husband is a tradesperson and quite good-looking too ;). But I am very concerned that including a third person may change the dynamics totally and I may not be able to have the same control and discreetness I maintained so perfectly over these years. 

Can you please share your thoughts? Thanks a million!

Madison

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