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Dear Dixie: My husband is fine with me doing a threesome without him — but am I? 

Dear Dixie,

I’m 46, married, a mom of two daughters, and a busy career woman. I’ve been married to my husband for 20+ years and our intimate life has been going downhill for the past several years (he is almost asexual now). I still very much have my needs, which are even stronger than before! 🙂 Due to his lack of interest in sex, we chatted and agreed a few years ago that I may selectively seek pleasures outside of the marriage, as long as it doesn’t affect the family dynamics and I keep it 100% discreet. 

He was fine with the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. However, after two very brief intimate dates with men (both during my work travels), I found that was too risky. Instead, I preferred a “no-strings-attached” relationships with women who were also seeking similar discreet relationships to enjoy lesbian sex. I was fortunate enough to meet a few amazing women in the last few years (who were also married and wanted to keep things discreet) and enjoyed those beautiful moments with them thoroughly ;). 

Because of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy I have with hubs, I didn’t feel the need to share any of this with him. I may have mentioned some in passing very casually, but he never wanted to know the details anyway. I was also managing these relationships well despite being a busy career mom and it didn’t impact our family dynamics in any way. 

But now I am dealing with a new situation where the woman I’m seeing right now would like to open our relationship with her husband and possibly have him included. I never had to deal with a similar situation before because the women I’ve dated were fine with keeping things discreet from their husbands for various reasons. I also very much preferred that arrangement. The woman I’m seeing now is 28 and has a 7-year-old son. Her husband is a tradesperson and quite good-looking too ;). But I am very concerned that including a third person may change the dynamics totally and I may not be able to have the same control and discreetness I maintained so perfectly over these years. 

Can you please share your thoughts? Thanks a million!

Madison


This is just a slice of this article. Read Dixie Laite’s advice here in our new Midst Substack.

Dixie Laite has been a second-grade teacher and mechanical bull operator, and for the past 25 years she’s worked for a variety of TV networks as a writer, editorial director, trainer, advice columnist, even an on-air personality. But primarily she’s trotted around New York City in one cowboy shirt or another, lurking around flea markets, gyms, and anywhere they’ll hand her French toast. Currently she lounges around her apartment with one husband, one dog, five parrots, and roughly 2,000 pairs of shoes. Dixie is the main lady behind Age Against the Machine, a column about empowering women over 50, on The Midst. Follow Dixie on Instagram @dixielaite